you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
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SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize