Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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