Texts From Last Night

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  (847): View more from Illinois

  he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.

  (1-847): View more from Illinois

  you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.

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  (847): he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants. (1-847): you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him. http://tfl.nu/yg4d
  Replies (25) Good night (545) Bad night (2852)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?

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  (617): Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money? http://tfl.nu/6pei
  Replies (12) Good night (2757) Bad night (588)
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth

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  (919): It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth http://tfl.nu/y1ni
  Replies (23) Good night (484) Bad night (5031)
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  (817): View more from Texas

  After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.

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  (817): After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot. http://tfl.nu/l939
  Replies (63) Good night (755) Bad night (8254)
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.

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  (301): all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol. http://tfl.nu/ssjg
  Replies (11) Good night (3819) Bad night (833)
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  (408): View more from California

  I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.

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  (408): I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing. http://tfl.nu/86sf
  Replies (19) Good night (1391) Bad night (5640)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.

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  (215): I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did. http://tfl.nu/l0um
  Replies (22) Good night (3722) Bad night (918)
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  (620): View more from Kansas

  Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.

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  (620): Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed. http://tfl.nu/m5ja
  Replies (7) Good night (3217) Bad night (895)
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  (305): View more from Florida

  he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.

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  (305): he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad. http://tfl.nu/2uqd
  Replies (7) Good night (2035) Bad night (754)
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  (928): View more from Arizona

  His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.

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  (928): His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart. http://tfl.nu/4aul
  Replies (7) Good night (592) Bad night (2437)
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.

  (540): View more from Virginia

  I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.

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  (201): I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world. (540): I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him. http://tfl.nu/0ulc
  Replies (6) Good night (677) Bad night (1637)
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  (479): View more from Arkansas

  I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!

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  (479): I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning! http://tfl.nu/musz
  Replies (12) Good night (1531) Bad night (521)
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  (865): View more from Tennessee

  We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1

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  (865): We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1 http://tfl.nu/rd3z
  Replies (9) Good night (785) Bad night (507)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.

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  (610): porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy. http://tfl.nu/gke1
  Replies (12) Good night (2374) Bad night (452)
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  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.

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  (405): I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon. http://tfl.nu/hr3g
  Replies (6) Good night (1557) Bad night (268)

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