I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
