Define "chronic" masturbator.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen