i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
How drunk are you?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!