What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it