I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
