Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(804): View more from Virginia

god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.

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(954): View more from Florida

you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.

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(615): View more from Tennessee

How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?

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(732): View more from New Jersey

been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college

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(516): View more from New York

It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away

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(646): View more from New York

According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.

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(406): View more from Montana

She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial

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(360): View more from Washington

Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook

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