yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
