the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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