After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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