Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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