that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
