the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
