I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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