my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
