just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
My vagina is officially offended.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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