i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
