chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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