before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
