No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
