So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
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I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
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If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
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