It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
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