Well apparently he's into motor boating.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
