My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Found your dick twin last night
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
