I wish I could punch you in the face.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
My Sexting was not on an AP level
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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