accomplished twins. life is a go
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
