Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
