Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
