It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Randomize
