i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
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