i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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