i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
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