you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I think your dad took our porno
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
