Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
now i know why i became what i already was.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
