I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
please come you make the beer taste better
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
