and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Randomize
