i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
