mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
