We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
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