holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
