No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
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