its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
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I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
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Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button