My nipple is on Facebook.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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