Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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