I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
whose parrot is this?
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
