dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I'm too high and old for this...
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
