I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
