I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
