You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
