I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
