god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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