soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
