You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
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