allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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