Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
