i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
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