I think I won the penis lottery.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize