i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
