Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Randomize
