i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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