Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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