I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
