Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Randomize
