Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
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Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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