R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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