what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
