I wish I could teleport
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
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