I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
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