I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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