I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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