the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
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